Just Me (mylapband) wrote,
Just Me
mylapband

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I emailed this to most of you but...

I want to post it for the rest of you! Plus I have a different picture to compare it to...

This picture was taken on September 9... It is my Nonnie, me, my BB and my Mom... They all look great but I look all puffy! I changed the color to Sienna because, with the one color, you can get a look at ALL of my puffiness... Ewwww....



Now look at me today.. I know is has only been 5 days since my surgery but I can tell the puff is going down... I don't look as... ummm... well, I don't look as FULL...



I actually didn't even pay attention to this... I really couldn't tell by looking at myself but when I compare to pictures from before my face doesn't look AS forced-into-my-skin-like-sausage-is-forced-into-plastic... Does that make sense??

We had a great day yesterday! My mom and I went to the movies and saw The Queen, what a good movie! We also went to Panera Bread and had lunch - I had the broth of French Onion soup, I ate about 2.5oz and it was SO GOOD! We also went to the Dollar Tree and she bought me a few things including a weekly planner so I can keep track of appointments and my blood pressure.. I only got to see Carmine for a few minutes at the end of the night because he had somewhere to go... I got a little pissy about it and maybe I can explain why here... If it makes since..

I am actually typing this next part, maybe to explain to Carmine why I acted like such a bitch last night.. He didn't deserve it.. I hope he will read this and maybe understand the things that I can't seem to put into words..

I love Carmine, I truly feel at times that he is the one I was meant to be with.. And, at other times, I wanna shake the hell out of him... But that's normal in any relationship.. I feel the first way 99% of the time, I only feel the second way when we have a fight, which we do, we are only human.. I love him with my whole heart, that is something I have never done before, love someone with every ounce of my body, spirit and soul... The connection I feel with him is something I could never understand much less explain... I never want to hold him back from spending time with his friends because he rarely does.. I guess I just get worried that now that I have had this surgery, he will start going out with friends more because we can't really go out right now, I am still in pain and I can't do fun things anymore like eat good food and drink alcohol.. I have never been a big drinker anyway but now it's not even an option.. Even going to a movie.. I mean, he may want to get a soda and popcorn and I can have neither.. But I don't think it's fair to ask him not to have those things just because I can't.. And I would never forbid him from doing things just because I had this surgery...

Last night was planned long ago, he and some friends had planned to go to this concert WAY before we knew I was having surgery that week.. And, as a matter of fact, there were two concert dates, one was last Saturday night and one was last night.. He asked me first IF he could go (I said yes) and then he asked which one should he go to.. I chose the one last night.. Good thing I did because, little did we know then that Saturday night would be my last night to actually eat a nice big meal.. Anyway, so I knew about this a long time ago.. And I would never have expected him to not go, I was at the hotel with my mom, spending time with her on our last night before she left...

She told me this morning that I am probably a little emotional because of the fact that I just had surgery and all, I am sure she is right.. I am just feeling a little vulnerable right now I guess.. And I think I am a little attached to everyone and everything around me right now.. Maybe because I really wasn't sure I would actually make it through the surgery... To be honest, I really didn't think I would, I don't know why.. But I did and maybe that's why I am feeling a little vulnerable...

And since I did make it (so far, lol, I don't want to get too comfy), I just want to grab those people I love and hang onto them... I want to say things to them that I have never said before, I want to be sure they know how I feel.. And that means everyone... Including Carmine... I want to grab him and tell him I love him the way I explained it above.. I want to grab my mom and tell her that I love her, I want BB to know I love her, I want my dad to know that I have finally forgiven him for the things that happened in the past.. And I have.. I actually had a talk with my dad about that last month but I want to say it again.. I want my Bubbie to know that I completely adore him and love him and I want Nonnie to know I love her and then I want all of my friends to know I love them.. But these are things I rarely say, I mean, I show care and concern and friendship and I always lend a hand or an ear or a shoulder.. But I never say how much someone means to me.. Does this even make sense????

Anyway, Mom left today... It was kinda hard to let her leave.. I explain it this way: All week she did stay by my side and I guess I knew if something bad happened she would take care of me, she would get me to the hospital and she would take care of whatever happened.. Now I kinda feel like I am back home, I had to go back to being a grownup, have to take care of myself.. I mean, Carmine is helping me and he is worried about me but what I mean is I am in charge of myself now, I am no longer the kid with Mommy taking care of me.. Carmine has a job to go to, he can't sit around all day and night, waiting for me to turn blue so he can rush me to the ER if I do.. Not that my mom doesn't have anywhere else to be, but she had dedicated that week to me, to taking care of me and seeing about me and I guess it kind of felt good to be a kid for a few days... Although at one point I told her she was overdoing it... But I know she was just worried about me and I understand that..

The difference in my boyfriend and my mother is this: If I went out tomorrow and ate a pizza, it would make me sick but Carmine really wouldn't know what I had done.. I am an adult and he expects me (as I do him) to take care of myself and not do anything to harm myself... My mom on the other hand, would be on me, watching me, not letting me leave to GET the pizza... I mean, it's not either of their responsibility to sit over me and not let me screw up but I guess I will miss her telling me that I need more fluids, that I have not "eaten" enough, that I need to take my blood pressure, that I need to remember my blood pressure pill, and did I take my vitamins!!!???!!! Carmine shouldn't have to ask me those things... And, to be honest, if he did I would probably NOT like it... Maybe that's only things I will let my mom do...

Okay, so now that I have rambled on, I think I will get off here and find something else to do...

And, Mom, I have had ALMOST 2 and a half Diet Snapples (about 36oz), 18oz of Decaf Tea and 4oz of Diet Jello today... I took my vitamins and Prevacid this morning and my BP meds this afternoon... Maybe I will just start jotting this all down in my journal so I can keep track of it...

To the rest of you, I am obviously still on a liquid diet... Next week will hopefully be full liquids (cream soups, tomato soup, pudding, milk, etc)! I will find out on Tuesday when I go to the doctor!

Okay, I am going to go! Love you all!!!
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